Recovery

I have to learn to be patient. Being a cripple and hobbling around on one foot and crutches really made me restless and irritable. I noticed that my behavior for the past few days has been rude and snappy to my caretakers. I wonder if other handicapped people go through the same phase. That phase where we just get tired of people constantly asking if we're "ok" or if we can handle it. My foot might be lame but the other one works just fine. It's more of a injured pride thing moreso than an injured foot thing. The point where we realize that we're being "babied" as grown men and women- forced to be dependent on others for miniscule tasks. Regardless of injury, I've gone to parties, a desert camping trip at Joshua Tree for a meteor shower, San Diego, birthday parties, and more. Today is day two without crutches and I can't seem to get around without a limp. At this point, I'm just really hoping that my foot heals up before my travels.

Crutches

Although it’s tiring as fuck to get anywhere with crutches, I’m trying to not let it inhibit my routine activities save for the obvious shit like rock climbing. I just got home from a fucking random ass trip to SD and honestly-as much I love talking to the friends that accompanied me and one particular friend I met there, it was the people of the city that were cool as fuck.

Wandering the campus and talking to strangers there was a little boring in the sense that these students don’t have much else to say aside from daily chit chat and classroom chatter. Further into the night we stopped by some park that overlooked a channel and a major part of the city that was beautiful and surprisingly bearable temperature wise. (I figured the crutches were keeping me warm). It was there where I saw two photographers at midnight, one with his kid and the other with his wife, discussing camera settings and techniques to capture the best quality of picture via interval shooting. It was just something about these 2 men that were indulging in their hobbies late into the night with their loved ones that warmed my heart. As we continued onto the pier, I met a couple that were fishing with a tent set up at the very edge of the pier. They were extremely friendly and were even willing to teach me how to fish had my ride decided to stay any longer.

I guess it’s just refreshing to see folk out there doing recreational things instead of seeing/hearing the ratchet ass clubs and booty grinding music. All in all, the heavy breathing and panting from the crutches was well worth my time today as opposed to sitting on my ass at home- rotting away in front of MTV. In 11 hours, I’ll be on my way to Joshua Tree to witness this year’s Lyrid Meteor shower/ camping there for the night with a few friends.

Getting excited for my travels.

Humbled

School is done, and I've been keeping busy with fun. For the sake of memories, I'll briefly record what i've done. I've gone to the shooting range, played videogames, and hung out with friends. I played Ingress, a Google+ social experiment disguised as a game using smartphone GPS that marks what people consider a point of interest in public places. It discludes commercialized places and focuses moreso on art, sculptures, monuments, museums, parks, etc... Of course, the game itself shouldn't be my motivation to visit these nice public places but up to date, there hasn't really been anything like this that lists spots of interest. Walking through downtown Claremont, I would have never gone off the well beaten path to see beautiful sculptures, museums, and colleges. The game serves as a mini-trip, allowing me to explore my own city, my own county, my own state for points of interest i'd appreciate much more if I were a tourist-all for free save the cost of gas. I've also clocked in a lot of time rock climbing. I've been climbing indoors just to build my endurance up while trying my hand at outdoor climbing. I've gone to Corona Del Mar, New Jack City, and Mt.Baldy to do both sport climbing/top roping and bouldering. Although climbing outside is much more dangerous and difficult, all it takes is one climb throughout the entire day to boost your confidence level to the point of tackling anything indoors. However I must admit that life has a funny way of humbling you.

Yesterday after a very short climb indoors, I was tackling a problem that was beyond my skill level and my ankle paid the price. I was attempting an unmarked V3 and fell from an 8ft drop. Although the floor is padded to prevent any hard shock injury, it didn't prevent my right foot from rolling inwards. Falling at 30mph from an 8ft drop with 135lbs of force all into my right ankle, I have to admit it was pretty painful. I even did a little pain dance with my foot in the air. The immediate swelling grew to the size a large grapefruit but thanks to icepacks and a homemade shin splint, we were able to reduce the swelling down to the size of an apple. From the stories I've heard, I'm expecting about 2-3 weeks before full recovery but until then we'll see. I've yet to check it via x-ray and i'm afraid they might have to pop something back in if that's the case.
I have no regrets. The problem was fun and the injury could've happened to anyone. At the moment, I'm still living life with the philosophy that you're not really living if you're not out of your comfort zone. I'm constantly trying new things and I'm still planning to go to Joshua Tree to view the years largest meteor shower. For now, I'm a cripple trying to occupy myself with books, netflix, video games, and internet.

Neverland

I’m in a comfortable niche right now but I feel the storm coming.

The world and all it’s splendor will open up too many opportunities I’ll probably regret missing out on and I’m unsure if it’s because I’m anchored by responsibilities or content with luxuries. I always say that you’re only as old as how you feel but what happens when you start to feel your age? In what other way can I cheat the deterioration of my life if not in the mind where it truly counts?

This swirl of oncoming responsibility and freedom with the accomplishment of my near-graduation is too much to anticipate while I compose 12 pages of literary material essentially regurgitating 10 other sources into a “voice” that is supposedly mine. No, instead of writing my term papers, I’d rather say what’s actually on my mind for a change. I’m afraid of falling into a slump of the familiar. Eat. Work. Sleep. Repeat.
The world is so much more terrible/more wonderful than that. The idea of finding a steady income is what scares me. I can’t imagine how people memorize schedules and deadlines whilst counting down till their vacation days. Is the stable flow of money and security really that important?

In the end, what is the value of one’s life? The amount of money they’ve acquired? How successful they feel? How many houses they’ve got? My philosophy has always esteemed happiness as the most important factor ever but determining what makes one happy is an art in and of itself. It requires extensive exploring and experimentation-to make one step outside of their comfort zone forever onward. I’d love to literally go exploring in the modern sense of the word (backpacking) but there are so many deep seated attachments one would have to sacrifice.

I’m referring to family. If it’s not already the biggest obligation in your life- I don’t know what else could compare. You owe two of them your existence. If they’re good parents, they’ve built a life for you and provided for you. But to explore the limits of absolute beauty and ecstasy, you have to be free of them. How can anyone really let loose when in the back of your mind, you know that someone is worried sick about you having a roof over your head? The guilt holds you back. I’m definitely NOT saying that you have to be an orphan to be truly happy. I’m saying you need to reach a near impossible compromise of understanding between you and your loved ones that you’ll have to go away for a very long time to discover yourself. And thus we return to the responsibilities of growing up, and providing for those who provided for you. Of course we love them in one way or another, but it is an unspoken obligation nonetheless.

“I want to always be a boy, and have fun!,” to which Wendy replies “You say so, but i think its your greatest pretend.”

Fuck you Wendy. Not all of us are Victorian.

I feel like a boy chasing more than his own shadow.